A Terrible Poem

I don’t know why it gives me such pleasure

To imagine your fear and discomfort

I think, maybe, it is the only thing I truly enjoy

Sometimes, I feel sorry for you

Wondering what will happen next

Not knowing when the ax will fall

Not being able to predict what part of you I will destroy

The kaleidoscope of emotions

Ranging from warmth to depravity

I embrace them all within myself

But feel the best when in the throes of insanity

I suppose it would be more interesting

To stand idly by and bear witness

Oh to be a fly on the wall

Watching you under duress

But then the sadist in me is insatiable

So I must confess

It turns me on to hurt you

I just want to make your life a mess

Can you ever forgive me?

The Love of My Life

Dear You,

These words I say now do little to convey the truth I feel inside, growing stronger and more uncontrollable every minute of every hour.  Every day I know you, I learn just how much I can love someone else.  This feeling of vulnerability terrifies me, but I know that if being strong means being without you, I’d rather be terrified.  I’d rather throw away all the notions about what I thought I wanted and let you be my light at the end of the tunnel.  I don’t know where the tunnel leads or what the twists and turns bring exactly.  All I know is that if you are waiting for me there when I’m finished traveling through it, I will go willingly into the unknown to be with you.

Your beauty is indescribable and I doubt you would even believe it if I told you just how beautiful I think you really are.  I get choked up inside when I think of what it means to love you now, and how this will impact my own future.  I think of the way you make me feel beautiful too, and it is unbelievable to me.  I am not a saint, and I’ve done things that I’d never admit to, but when I’m with you, I feel clean.  I feel like your love for me is my reward for treading through all the hard roads I’ve been forced to endure.  I feel like there is something bringing you to me as a message of faith; that my prayers have been and are still being answered.

I know you love me.  And you know I love you.  I don’t say it, but that’s only because I want you to feel it, and if I said it all the time, you’d only hear it.

No matter what this life brings, I will love you for every breath I take, until I take my last.  If I could make sense of this, I doubt it would feel as amazing.  It doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t even align with my own personal moral code, but it’s something I cannot control.  I cannot deny this love inside of me because if I’ve ever tried to, it simply crushes me.  It’s a force of its own, and because it is so incredibly strong, I have to release a little of it from time to time.  If I didn’t, it would destroy me.  If I never told you how much I love you, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night, or look myself in the mirror.

Kahlil Gibran on Love

“When love beckons to you, follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams

As the north wind lays waste the garden.

“For even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you.  Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

“Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

“All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

“But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

“When you love you should not say, ‘God is in my heart,’ but rather, ‘I am in the heart of God.’

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

“Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.”[1]

Ich werde dich für mein ganzes Leben lieben.

Love,

Me

[1] Gibran, Kahlil.  “On Love.” The Prophet, 1923.  Retrieved from:  http://www.katsandogz.com/onlove.html

The Greatest Divide

“As to whether a soul is developed or retarded during a particular life depends on what the person holds as its ideal, and what it does in its mental and material relationships about that ideal.” – Edgar Cayce

 

As human beings, we are made to be self-aware and given the ability to choose in accordance with free will.  While there is no clearly defined line between right and wrong in most choices when referencing free will, there is a sort of moral compass which guides us to make the choices we do.  All too often, we later realize that we could have made a different choice that would have yielded more favorable consequences, and thusly, regret is born.

Our soul is dependent upon our inner moral compass, and can only exist in enlightenment when we are able to discern the likeliest consequences of the choices we make, acknowledging our self-awareness and the impact it can and does have on others.  This process, while seemingly tedious to young souls, is ultimately the process by which we all achieve our true connection with the Universe.  To live without regret means to make the choices necessary to achieve balance and harmony not just within our being, but within our community, our society.

Peace is possible only when people are able to freely express their inner thoughts, opinions, feelings, hopes, dreams, and desires.  Therefore, peace is an impossible concept, as there are too many definitive differences between every person to ever live and walk this planet.   The closest we can ever expect to achieve is tolerance, and that is only when people are able to refrain from judgment of their fellow human beings, even if they cannot personally identify with them.  Accepting people as they are, respecting their differences and appreciating their viewpoints is something that every person is capable of, but because of self-awareness and its proverbial double-edged sword, this is impossible as well.

No one knows everything, but we all like to believe we are the authority on ourselves.  However, when we fail to realize the impact we have on other people, we fail our very souls.  We create our own karma, and in doing so enable the fears we seek to destroy, allowing them to destroy us instead.  This is what makes us human.  This is what makes us tragically beautiful.